The hardest thing to do in life is to decide if you should try harder or to try walk away from a situation. When things get tough it’s so easy to just walk away. To give up trying and not look back. But once it’s been done you sit there wondering. You start to wonder “what if”. What if you tried harder? Would it have worked out? Did you just lose the best thing in your life because you got scared or it was just a little too hard? It’s hard to have a hot healthy fit body, that’s why not everyone has one. But if you are dedicated to training hard and eating clean, pushing when you feel weak than you can get through it. You can be a healthy confident person. So in this situation it’s best to push harder then to simply walk away when things get rough. But then you are faced with a second problem. You losing your friendship with someone you were really close too. It seems like they don’t really care and that they are slipping away from you. Do you walk away from the friendship and accept things are moving in different directions or do you fight harder? Fight for the friendship even if it’s one sided? I always believed if you made the effort, if you showed you cared they would realise it and then maybe they will try it too? Maybe they are just as scared as you are? Maybe they are in fight or flight mode as well and need a little push. I tried to live by this idea. To always try. To always care. In everything I do each day. Friends, relationship even in fitness.
I’m sitting on a wall between 4 different relationships.
I havnt spoken to my roommate from last year for 5 months. I miss her so much. I miss the adventures we went on and having her there for me. But every time I try make plans, to go for lunch or coffee she always has an excuse. I brought her a birthday present but she didn’t even make the effort to pick it up. When my birthday came around I didn’t even get a Facebook post.
Fight or flight.
There’s a guy I had a thing with for a few weeks over a year ago. We were really good friends, like he was my best friend. But things got complicated. They always do when you hook up with friends. When he has a girlfriend I don’t exist. But when his single he talks to me again as my friend again. My best friend. Alarms go off in my head because obviously I’m just good enough when needed. But when someone is such a good friend to you and has helped you through a really really difficult situation it’s really hard to let go. You build a strong connection with someone when they help you through hell and are there for you when no one else was. Do you try be their friend or stop being a puppet?
Fight or flight
I decided this year I wanted to be strong, confident, healthy and hopefully sexy. To eat healthier and to train hard. I got to this point where I was so happy with my body and I felt as if I could attack the world. But then I got injured and everything kinda went on a back slide. No training for three weeks and really bad eating habits made me gain 2kg of pure fat. So I’m struggling to try get back into it. To train without hurting my shoulder and to eat clean when all I want is to eat cookies. I know I need to keep going to get through this patch and that things take time. But each day I have to ask myself:
Fight or flight
My boyfriend and I have had a tough time as I said earlier. We on 5/6 months where it’s the breaking point. The point where the honeymoon phase is over and things start to get serious. And that scares me. This is my first real relationship so it’s a little nerve wrecking. I find myself holding back because I’m so scared to fall too hard and to get my heart broken. My boyfriend really isn’t an emotional guy. He doesn’t do a lot of PDA and doesn’t express his thoughts or feelings. When he had a problem he would rather sort it out himself. This makes me feel like there’s a gap. He isn’t letting me in so I’m scared to open up too much. But he makes me so happy. He makes me laugh when I’m already crying. His there when I need him. He makes me feel safe when I scared of the world. Sometimes I feel like I need more though. I want to be told in pretty and special and all that stuff. I want to be spoilt with flowers. I want to have constant text messages and phone calls. But that’s not who he is. I wanted to be with him for so long, for who he is. So why do I want more now of n sudden? Do I want this relationship with him or do I want a different relationship? I’m crazy about about him but does he feel the same about me?
Fight or flight.
I will be strong whether I have to fight or flight.